A mixed 4s team wins a scrappy game away at Royston

This unusual fixture took place as our intended game, 1st round in the cup against Saracens Amateurs 2’s, was cancelled as unfortunately they were unable to field a team. At the last minute Royston 2s accepted our game, on the basis we went to their ground.

Arriving there with a mixed team, the warm up led by Frosty appeared to go well with all players suitably able to catch, pass and sprint at the correct times, and watching Royston warm up we possibly became a little complacent.

The match kicked off with an out of practice Tubsy kicking the ball well short of the line, and a resultant scrum in the middle being pinched by us. Down the line to Doc, who passed it outside, stopped, scratched his head, stretched, had a cup of tea, and then got hit by a tackle from their opposing centre. I pulled their player off, who then punched me twice. The referee then stopped play and, obviously being unsighted, requested no more foul play take place from both captains.

Our pack then led with some good driving mauls and rucking up the middle of the pitch before once again Doc ended up being elbowed on the floor by his opposite number before Doc restrained him and thankfully did not hit him as the ref was now watching again. Same chat with the ref about team discipline, although he did listen to my points about us not instigating or hitting anyone.

The rest of the first half essentially turned into trench warfare of flyhalves making ground through penalties, us winning most of the lineouts, and competing evenly with scrums and both sets of backs trying to run, but not making any crucial breaks. Unfortunately, as has been a bit of an issue is our lack of intensity at rucking. The long and the short of the first half was a 0-0 half time score, however Dan Newberry came on for the Duracell powered Chris James and quickly showed his potential with some huge hits and adding energy to the breakdown.

The second half began and we had well and truly realised they were not going to roll over. Cam Stockdale’s hangover had recovered sufficiently to rejoin the fray at the expense of his evergreen and so far fleeter of foot father. I took over from Dummer at 9, and the Doolanator made his brief appearance before his shoulder forced him off soon after.

I like to imagine that I played a large part in the next part, following 2 (of my) box kicks up the right wing, chased by the considerable bulk of Gus and making about 30 metres each time after 3 quick rucks I shipped the ball left to Phil Worboys on our 10 metre line, in space thinking he had a 2 man overlap he would draw the man and ship the ball putting Graham Pearman in yards of space. Instead, young Worboys managed to step sideways, and somehow slip between 2 players, before repeating the trick 30 metres up the pitch, then scoring under the posts. Conversion was calmly taken by Tubsy making it 7 – 0 to us.

Matt Free was next in the firing line from their play, a player falling over the top of him (legitimately), who was however clearly nervous as this provoked a reflex in his left quad leading to his foot contacting the back of Matts head hard enough to render him dazed enough to not speak for several seconds, and then wobble his way to the line with the gentle arms of Gillian Sissens supporting him. Entirely accidental their team assured me as I remonstrated with the referee.

The game by now was steadily getting more and more needling, culminating on our try line with Frosty bright red of face, grabbing one of their players by the scruff of the neck and impolitely telling him if he did something again, he would make him very unhappy person and to go forth and prosper in a place other than heaven. Meanwhile their sub came hurtling onto the pitch with the referee promising 4 red cards if we did not stop the players fighting. I won’t bore you all with the additional episode of their player stamping like a rabbit signalling to its warren, suffice to say they did, on the unseen side of the ruck as so often appeared to be the case.

Now suitably fired up, Royston pack laid siege to our line, and (not for the first time) ran through the middle of a ruck to score a try. Quite ironically, the referee was distracted just before this as one of their players tried to pick a fight with Cam, who impressively remained very calm and collected before walking away. Possibly as the ref suspected Royston had been the instigators through the match, somehow we ended up with a 22 drop out.

The final piece of the match now found me in my third position, on the left wing. The line was lined up to the left with a clear overlap. Rob Neil managed to start by shovelling the ball to Tubsy who under pressure or possibly too much excitement at the space he had seen missed the inside centre, the ball bouncing between inside and outside centre. “Bugger” I thought as their defence closed in on Phil Worboys who decided not to dance but to attempt a pass that he assures me has not worked in a single touch rugby session yet this year, an unseen reverse pass off his wrong hand. However, the ball bounced in front of me, and keenly running onto it, I then realised I was about 10 years older than the defender rapidly catching me so I used my immense skill and guile to put to step inside then out and wrong foot their wing with some truly dazzling ability, and then run/stumble to the try line and to score ensuring I prevented the ignominy of captaining but not scoring all year.

The last 10 minutes of the game felt somewhat flat after this, them realising they would not score, and us just seeing time out which to be honest, we did with no real difficulty.

The final score being 12 – 0, in the end represented a very hard fought win, and congratulations to all players involved for their tenacity, discipline as we would have been justified in retaliating on several occasions, and the better team won. I won’t have any huge desire to play here again unless I fancy being hit with several cheap shots however.

Man of the match is a tricky one. Aaron, Rob Neil and Chris James caught my eye for effort. Cam survived his hangover which was probably the biggest feat of determination of the day. I scored the best try seen since Chris Ashton against Australia, and everybody tackled very well. I feel however that 2 people turned the game in our favour, Dan Newberry made a huge impression with several big hits and certainly upped our intensity, and Phil Worboys with his dancing feet and impression of Carlos Spencer (albeit passing much further than the kiwi).

Dick of the Day is even tricker so this week, as after 5 minutes I can’t think of anyone on our team who deserves it, so I have nominated their inside centre for his first 10 minutes.